And I'm back

So it's been a longgggg time since I posted something so I felt the need to post something...

So according to blogger my last post was in October! Holy wow,,, its been 6 months already!? Doesn't feel like that long at all...! It feels like it was just yesterday that I wrote that last post.

But anyways aside from not posting in forever a lot has happened since October (maybe that’s why I haven’t posted in forever) Well lets see,,, my great aunt Bernice finally lost her battle with cancer November 25th, 2009. It was so hard not going to her house for Thanksgiving. It broke my heart. I remember going there every Thanksgiving as a little kid, and being so excited when I turned 13 and could finally sit at the grown up table instead of at the little kid table. RIP Auntie. 11/30/22-11/25/09 You will be missed.

Christmas was uneventful, well not really. My little brother Jesse went over by my sperm donor's house. I call him sperm donor b/c he is not a father. If I never have to speak to that sorry excuse for a man ever again in my life, my life will be complete. A real man is going to stand by his kids and his kids are going to come before his lover, the same lover that he cheated on his kid's mom and former wife with! Speaking of them being divorced, March 8th of 2010 they were divorced 5 years. We threw a party at my house. Dead serious. haha. My little sister made a cake and everything. It highly amused me.

January was a lot more eventful than Christmas. Some of you may remember Yasher. I may or may not have mentioned him in a previous post, I don’t remember. Well anyways he was my ex boyfriend. We dated from Dec 8th of '08 to June 16th of '09. And I had made myself a goal. I was completely over him but he was trying to play both me and his new girl, I told myself I was done with him. Completely. I wasn't even going to be friends with him. That was one of my New Year's resolutions, not to talk to him. And I was doing great on keeping my resolution until he showed up at my house Jan 17th at 9pm, shaking, crying, terrified of going home. He didn't know where else to go. So he came to my house, because he knew his friend with benefits, Jackie, wouldn’t be willing to help him. He stayed at our mutual friend Ben's house for a few days while trying to get everything sorted out with the Wisconsin Child Bureau of Welfare. His dad has severe anger management issues along with depression and he's bipolar and very violently physical. His father also shows GREAT disrespect for women. But that’s a completely different story. I bought him some new clothes and such since all had was what he was wearing when his dad told him to get out and what he could shove in his pockets at the last second. So I bought him so new clothes so he would at least have a change of clothes. And some necessities like toothbrush and paste. He stayed at my house for awhile probably about a week and a half. That was the most depressive I've ever seen him. I've seen him depressed before but never that depressed. It was scary to me. He was biting his hands and lips until he bled. I was literally holding his arms for over 3 hours one day refusing to let him bite himself. I told him that if he wanted to bite himself he was going to have to bite thru me first. And because he was hurting himself I was becoming upset because much as I try and say I'm done with him and I don’t care about him that’s impossible. He was and will always be my first love. And in some sense we will always some physical connection b/c of the things we have done together. But we did end up getting back together on the 20th of January. And I wouldn't have it any other way. We have our differences and our arguments don’t get me wrong but who doesn’t? My mom didn’t know about us for awhile because my mom didn’t care for him. But we eventually did the responsible thing and told my mom. He ended up staying at Walker's Point for two wks which is a runaway shelter near me, I absolutely bawled my eyes out when we dropped him off and I had to drive away. I couldn't stand just leaving him there. My older sister stayed there for awhile quite a few years ago and she told me it was a reputable place but still I had spent almost two weeks straight with him prior to that so leaving him there broke my heart. He ended up feeling safe and comfortable there so it was a positive but leaving him there was hard. His father did end up coming down to Walker's Point for family therapy. And Yasher ended up going home and for awhile things were good. But as Yasher had predicted eventually things went back to the way they were originally. It was as if nothing ever changed. Yasher got a job and tries to stay out of his house as much as possible nowadays. He got a job, and he's always welcome at my house and almost always over there. If he walks in my house now my mom and siblings look up go “Hey Yasher’s here!” and go back to what they were doing. Dad’s mental instability is not improving at all. Dad still refuses to take his medication. Therefore as I said things are all back to normal for my boy. His dad won’t let him eat anything that his dad has bought unless Yasher goes shopping with him. His dad goes shopping at the same time every week. Yasher’s working at that same time every week. And living with my little brother who is mildly autistic makes me wonder if Yasher’s dad is autistic, or has Asperger’s Syndrome (a form of autism) For those of you that don’t know what Asperger’s is it is a form of autism that tends to mess with the social aspects of life. You don’t understand what is and isn’t appropriate to share and at what time. You also tend to take others accomplishments in society and get extremely upset over why you didn’t accomplish those goals. Zolly (Yasher’s older brother) does not experience any of these same things as Yasher as Dad as Zolly on such a high pedestal it’s not even funny. Zolly can do no wrong in the world. And 95% of Dad’s complex with Zolly is that Zolly has learned to just go with what Dad says and Dad has brought up Zolly the same way. Yasher is scum and Mom is an inferior being to us, the big macho men. Thankfully my boy is not like that. And I’ve already told Yasher if it comes to it I will go nose to nose with his dad. His dad is a big guy so he’ll probably beat the crap out of me but if it comes between me or Yasher getting hit I’m going to choose me. I’ve already seen Yasher get hit too many times for my own sanity. Yasher has told me I’m not allowed to go up against Zolly or Michael (his dad) that he’ll take care of it. But I will still go nose to nose with them. Neither one of them deserves to live as far as I'm concerned. His mom tho is a different story. His mom is the sweetest, most kind hearted person despite the war zone she lives in. She gets pulled around by her hair, kicked, called names and treated like shit by her husband and her own son! Not Yasher, Zolly. Yasher gets the crap beaten out of him when he tries to stick up for mom, which breaks my heart. But he feels as if he must stand up and try and protect his mom. He’d rather himself take the blows than his mom. This to me says a lot. Both about Yasher and his dad. Well now to stop rambling Yasher and I are back together again and I couldn’t be happier. (:

Now that I’m going on 3 pages I’ll end this rambling, life is good. In general it’s good. I wouldn’t change where I am today for the world because the past has helped to make me who I am today and that is a strong, confident woman of 16.

I am me.

~Rachelle