You live,
you laugh,
you love,
you learn.
You scream,
you cry,
you crash,
you burn.
I've lived my life, mistakes and all.
I've laughed, my friends they make me smile.
I loved you.
I still love you.
I've learned hearts will break.
Tears will fall.
I scream out of frustration.
Out of anger, heartbreak, and confusion.
I cry, heartbreak forcing me
to shed tears I never thought I'd shed.
I crash.
the tears no longer slow flowing.
Pushing me down to
a point of no return,
a point of depression,
You burn.
Lower and lower.
The wick disappearing into a jar of locked away emotions.
Solidarity is your only remaining emotion
until you break
and everything goes black.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Say goodbye to yesteryear.
A day no longer here.
The memories of yesterday
now fading to tomorrow
I must say goodbye to the memories.
I must say goodbye the times.
I must move forward.
I have to be strong.
I have to move forward on my own.
I have to learn to trust myself again.
I have to learn to move on,
becoming stronger and stronger each day.
I have to face you,
with no tears shed,
before I can move on.
I don't know when
but one day soon I will.
The tears will no longer be
forcing their way unto my face.
I will smile in spite of you.
I promise you, I will move on!
When the day is ended
and the blood no longer runs crimson
I will look you in the eye and say "NO!"
No to your constant flip flopping
No to your disrespect of me.
No to your constant depression.
Always dragging me down with you.
Never stopping to acknowledge that I,
just like she,
have feelings, emotions, and I matter beyond you.
I matter to others.
It seems I don't matter to you anymore.
i believe I never did.
I was only a space keeper,
a fling.
A no strings attached unemotional relationship.
Please answer me this...
Did I ever matter?
Was I ever anything more than a fling?
My heart says I was more
My gut says I wasn't.
Who to trust?
My heart or my conscience?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry that I love you, sorry that i care
Sorry that we've taken for granted the love that we share
Sorry for the heartache, sorry for the pain
Sorry for what you gave if I didn't give back the same
Sorry for the waiting, sorry to waste your time
Sorry if I'm not worth it, you don't have to be mine
Sorry for mistaking something that I thought was true
Sorry if you don't understand why I do what I do
Sorry for my feelings if they're not enough
Sorry if we can't work through all this stuff
Sorry if you can't fit me into your life
Sorry if all I do is cause us to fight
Sorry if I'm cramping your style or getting in your way
Sorry if i don't say the things you want me to say
Sorry if I don't measure up to what you want me to be
Sorry if I can't be enough to make you just want me
Sorry for apologizing but I don’t know what to do
Sorry if my only words are goodbye to me and you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I live with constant fear.
I fear that i am plain.
I fear that i am ugly.
I fear that i am fat.
I live in constant pain.
The scales, the pills, the tinie tiny meals.
And the throwing up after each one.
The fake smile, the drugs, the people i face.
Who stare at me like I'm a monster.
They see my bones jutting out.
They see my cuts up and down my arms.
They see my ugly, ugly face.
What they don't see is that i'm dying inside.
I'm lonely.
I'm scared.
I hate myself.
I don't want those things.
I just want to have friends.
I just want to laugh.
I just want to live.
I Just Want To Be Pretty.
<3
This was written way back in middle school when I had a very big struggle with anorexia.
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