So lately there has been alot of stuff on my mind..especially with the boy. Yeah we've had our issues and yeah i love him more than anything but it just seems like I'm not getting the same amount of love and respect back from him. I've lost him to this girl, Jackie, once before and he's always crackin jokes when we're hanging out that he'd be having more fun with her than he is with me. And a part of me says that he really is only joking and really does wanna be with me but then again another part of me says to think rationally...
The part of me that is thinking rationally isn't letting my heart fall as far as it once did, I'm not letting myself completely relax and feel safe and at home in his arms b/c for all ik i could be replaced by her tomorrow and that thought terrifies me so i have this mindset that if i dont get too attached to him then it wont hurt so bad when hes gone... And ik it's not fair to Yasher to not tell him but its terrifying to me to even talk abt that kinda stuff with him because he does not process phrases like "I'm not breaking up with you but i want to talk to you abt something..." His guard automatically goes up which is understandable mine would to but its scary...
It's scary to think that one day I'm gonna wake up and he's gonna be gone.. He's gonna be in her arms and i"m once again gonna be standing here lost and confused and dumbfounded,,,
I dont like this feeling, i dont like it at all...!!
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